Checking Vibes

In Daniel Golemans fantastic book "Primal Leadership" he talks about "resonant and dissonant" states that a leader can create in others. He describes the "open loop" of the limbic system in the brain which, unlike the closed loop of the circulatory system is affected by outside stimuli directly. In short, I or another can make you feel bad. Now, of course as self leaders we take responsibility for our own emotions, yet at the same time find an appropriate way to communicate how we feel about anothers intent or actions. We are interested in our response. How much of our response is our own shadow, our own fears or our own disowned aspects revolting to what we are experiencing and can we "see" ourselves reacting as opposed to responding with awareness.

I like the terms resonant and dissonant and we can attune ourselves to resonant and dissonant states in ourselves. Largely, dissonance occurs when values collide that do not match. My indignant self does not like to be ordered by someone elses patriarchical self. Here, we come at each other from Parent-Child ego states as described by Eric Berne in Transactional Analysis and you can be sure that all my issues around domineering men telling me what to do when I was a lad come roaring up in awareness. So, I allow them, I see them, they inherently want to keep me safe, or protect my vulnerable self yet if I drive the bus with them metaphorically I create further dissonance. As I catch my reactions in awareness a dissipation of their intense energy occurs and I might find the presence of mind to communicate to my "opponent" that there are other more productive ways that we can get along. The best way in these instances is to physically ground myself, breathe easily and energetically hold my "adult in the world" position. This creates a resonant authentic energy and is usually far more effective in creating a resonant response. When we hold authentic states we can ultimately (through the open loop limbic systems we all possess) entrain or mirror more harmonic relationships. If all fails we can as the Tao Te Ching eloquently puts it; "Hold on to the centre."

Leadership of others starts with self leadership and being intelligently acute with our emotional resonance or dissonance has a direct measurable effect on health and longevity. What we all "bring home" at the end of the day will have a resonant or dissonant affect on our nearest and dearest. Finding a productive, safe and authentic way of discussing these reactions and responses is a core tenet of self leadership coaching. None of us are "immune" to our reactive selves, there they are reliably popping up to slay our attackers, even in imagination! Recognising our own dissonance and leading ourselves towards resonance without repression or massive compromise is the hearty challenge before us all as we lead ourselves, others and organisations towards the golden fleece!

ref: "Primal Leadership" Daniel Goleman. Harvard Business School Press 2002

Dan