Covergence

At the end of last month I helped run and attend the Voice Dialogue International Convergence in Richmond Hill, London. Voice Dialogue is a core technique that I use both personally and professionally to foster greater insight and understanding into self. What an amazing gathering of people! Eighty folk from ten different countries from all sorts of backgrounds. Coaches, psychotherapists, drama therapists, artists, bodyworkers, an incredible wealth of warmth, knowledge and skill.

As a team we had to hold the space for the group to unfold into their learning and we used a process called open learning. In open learning space we encourage the group to choose and create their topics and open them for discussion in groups of any denomination. People are free to attend or not attend, leave groups if their energy and attention isn't fully resonant and engaged, with respect and develop each topic the next day if they like. I've never been involved in such an unstructured and organic process before and it worked incredibly well with these people.

It left me wondering, "how much do I allow for the organic unfolding of my process, my life, how much can I trust my intuition, my direct experience of living?" So often the planning (which we need) the organising (which has to occur) and the shifting (a lot goes on) takes us away from the naked direct experiencing of living. Futurising life we hop from task to task and inherently that is stressful. Even whilst achieving, progressing and tick-listing we can not breathe fully, be present and embody who we are in the moment.

The people I worked with are touchy-feely world champions. Incredible empaths, powerful "being" people content to rest in and abide with presence, felt energy and contact with other and self. I felt like I developed a whole new level of softness and deep listening spending time with these incredible folk. What a blessing. How tiring as well creating this "container" to house all this energy! Very very rewarding.

I did sitting meditation this morning, zazen style, just sitting and in the twenty minutes I felt on occasion the one taste, the deep connection to self and then the letting go of self into edge of bliss and emptiness. Fleeting. Timeless. Beautiful. Continuing into the day I have that trace of stillness, that trace of connection to deep empty abiding, so full.

Silence is golden...How do you experience silence, stillness, emptiness, form? How do you "roll with that!"

Regards

Dan

Checking Vibes

In Daniel Golemans fantastic book "Primal Leadership" he talks about "resonant and dissonant" states that a leader can create in others. He describes the "open loop" of the limbic system in the brain which, unlike the closed loop of the circulatory system is affected by outside stimuli directly. In short, I or another can make you feel bad. Now, of course as self leaders we take responsibility for our own emotions, yet at the same time find an appropriate way to communicate how we feel about anothers intent or actions. We are interested in our response. How much of our response is our own shadow, our own fears or our own disowned aspects revolting to what we are experiencing and can we "see" ourselves reacting as opposed to responding with awareness.

I like the terms resonant and dissonant and we can attune ourselves to resonant and dissonant states in ourselves. Largely, dissonance occurs when values collide that do not match. My indignant self does not like to be ordered by someone elses patriarchical self. Here, we come at each other from Parent-Child ego states as described by Eric Berne in Transactional Analysis and you can be sure that all my issues around domineering men telling me what to do when I was a lad come roaring up in awareness. So, I allow them, I see them, they inherently want to keep me safe, or protect my vulnerable self yet if I drive the bus with them metaphorically I create further dissonance. As I catch my reactions in awareness a dissipation of their intense energy occurs and I might find the presence of mind to communicate to my "opponent" that there are other more productive ways that we can get along. The best way in these instances is to physically ground myself, breathe easily and energetically hold my "adult in the world" position. This creates a resonant authentic energy and is usually far more effective in creating a resonant response. When we hold authentic states we can ultimately (through the open loop limbic systems we all possess) entrain or mirror more harmonic relationships. If all fails we can as the Tao Te Ching eloquently puts it; "Hold on to the centre."

Leadership of others starts with self leadership and being intelligently acute with our emotional resonance or dissonance has a direct measurable effect on health and longevity. What we all "bring home" at the end of the day will have a resonant or dissonant affect on our nearest and dearest. Finding a productive, safe and authentic way of discussing these reactions and responses is a core tenet of self leadership coaching. None of us are "immune" to our reactive selves, there they are reliably popping up to slay our attackers, even in imagination! Recognising our own dissonance and leading ourselves towards resonance without repression or massive compromise is the hearty challenge before us all as we lead ourselves, others and organisations towards the golden fleece!

ref: "Primal Leadership" Daniel Goleman. Harvard Business School Press 2002

Dan

My Precious.........!

The snivelling and scrabbling Gollum in Lord of the Rings portrayed a lost twisted and tortured being unlike any other in a movie by my reckoning. His utter addiction and compulsion to the power of the ring was depicted so powerfully that it was an almost iconic characterisation of those qualities...."my precious!!!"

Gollum had lost himself to his pursuits, he had truly been overwhelmed, overtaken and over ridden by the want and need for the awesome power of the ring, his obsession. He had transposed his precious self for the precious ring and had forgone and forgotten his precious self along the way.

I have had several encounters this week where I was deeply reminded of our precious selves. I don't mean precious in the "don't be so precious with yourself" sense, a very unfair statement anyway (why wouldn't we be?!) rather how often do we contemplate on our precious sense of self. Stress in my approach is often rooted in and increased by our own self alienation. The distance and separation we experience from our heartfelt true nature is expressed in unease, tension and loneliness.

Being alone is one thing, being lonely another. How often we feel lonely in life. Disconnected from the warm embrace of self acceptance and love. As we pass our precious selves over to business structure, relationships and activity we feel stressed and lonely. Integrating and informing all areas of life with a strong resonant sense of precious self is at the heart of self leadership where as much as possible, we are......"MY PRECIOUS!!"

Dan

FITS-ME Model

Ideas and concepts are continually emerging into our consciousness. The growing edge of our awareness is that twilighty area where we receive inklings and gists about things or people. Gavin de Becker wrote a brilliant scary read called "The Gift of Fear" where he details how our unconscious processes package up whole scenarios after thousands of computations and give us a flash awareness of what to do in threatening situations. It's a read about dramatic instances where intuition-acted-on can be life saving. In a less threatening environment we ask the question "what is going on for you?" How do we respond? Which information, input do we attend to in order to answer this question?

I developed the FITS-ME Model because it contains the key elements that can help us literally describe our experience.

FEELING. What is the dominant feeling?
IMAGES. Are there any images that are connected or recurring?
THINKING. What is the thought/s connected to or associated with this experience?
SENSATION. How and where is this experience being registered in the body?
MEANING. Can you describe what this experience means to you?
ENERGY. Is this experience expanding/contracting or increasing/decreasing your energy level?

Working through this model when clarity is not readily available allows us to expand and catalogue, or "unpack" more information about the experience being encountered.

Try working through a particular issue or experience using it and maybe write down as many key words as you can for each letter and see where you end up. It's a cyclical idea so you can "run it" again to see how you have integrated the information.

Dan

Stretch-tastic

Yesterday I felt that my energy level was not quite sparking. When this happens I will sit quietly and "go inside" and check a few things out. Is the low energy level for a reason? Does it serve a purpose? A question I often use with clients is "does this behaviour, feeling, thought benefit you in any way?" Often the subject matter in question has a "negative" connotation so the idea that it is of benefit is counter-intuitive. Low energy level can often be a great way of distancing ourselves, retreating to silence and resting. Often the body (view it momentarily as a separate entity to "you") just does what it needs. So I felt after some checking in with "body" that there was energy there but it was stuck, there was too much tension and stiffness to allow flow.

So I broke with my planned work-out and embarked on a work-in. I stretched quite methodically through feet, ankles, hips, mid-back, upper back, neck, shoulders and hands for about an hour. Trying to involve the whole body in each stretch and rocking in each plane of movement really breathing into each posture and position. I noticed sensations and feelings of deep fatigue, relief, some sadness, some enlivening. Using a simple walk across my studio as a bench mark my walk gradually became smoother, lighter and I felt a great sense of connectedness. My mood, which had become somewhat dark was lighter and I felt a sense that I was held by and in the world with good intent and energy. I have a very high kinesthetic requirement when it comes to processing feeling and sensation, which means that I like to "embody" these energies and stretching really allows that space to inquire and re-set.

Today, when I awoke I moved out of bed SO much better, my walk to work felt alive and bouncy and my writing and early movement session with a client felt creative, relevant and informed by my physical set. I will be posting some video blogs of stretches soon.

Traditionally, coaching models ask us to examine each area of our lives, for example work, health, body or self-care, spiritual etc. This is undoubtedly awareness raising yet if we start to see how each sphere is interlinked we can work obliquely to influence each domain. By that I mean if yesterday I couldn't get my work going I could sit down and write some goals out specifically for my work. Or I could recognise that I need that creative relaxed feeling physically in order to work and do what I did, which in this case was stretch. Remember what the initial injunction or practice was, become still, silent, go inside and inquire "what do I need?" Let your intuition scan, be open to feelings, images, thoughts, sensations, meaning and energy which incidentally is an anacronym for FITS-ME, a model that I "invented!" to remind clients to engage as many facets as possible when trying to create excellent steps and practices towards their compelling vision, or simply to settle into expansive being energies. Each area "venns" with the others and the intersecting domains often carry invaluable information and insight for the other.

So, let's take some "vertical time" holidays today and settle into silence and ask, "what do I need." Allow the answers to flow and commit to acting on the most resonant appealing response.

Dan

Drop it into the Matrix.

In human movement you take a given activity, for example a forehand in tennis and apply human functional anatomy to that shot. We know that the foot contacts the floor, we know that we send weight into the earth that is returned to us and we know that all muscles get longer (stretch) before they unload and create force. Knowing what occurs to produce movement allows us to say to someone "OK John, show me your forehand." We can then start to observe how John moves. We have in effect created a context (shot) applied a process (human functional anatomy) and now a test (Johns shot). This trinity allows now some comparison between what we think should happen and what is happening but also and crucially, how John does things.

Rather than trying to stuff John into what should happen we can say "how does John produce force in the forehand?" we can also observe that perhaps John does not move his hips as we might expect towards the end of the shot. Now, we have a point of departure as I call it to start working with John. I set up some practices, some movement drills that encourage and facilitate Johns hip extension. We try the shot again and he moves more powerfully. He likes it and it "sticks."

Now we have re-tested, John describes his experience and reviews the key differences and can identify with a new paradigm and a new motor pattern for his shot. He is keen to test it under pressure, this would be his next and new experiment.

I have always been intrigued by codes and how to break them. I loved the challenge of encountering people and situations and looking for the "fit." I also became fascinated with "what do I have to do to be able to do that?!" and would relish deconstructing things and sifting out the bugs, seeing the openings for change and catching the little phrases and micro movements that seemed like glitches in the process.

Thoughts and images and dreams are living, breathing entities that have moving parts, links, patterns and energies. Often abstract and unfinished we are compelled to try and understand what our experience is and what meaning we want to impart to it.

So I specialise in, my niche, in other words, is finding the "glitch in the Matrix!" finding the resonant centre, the crux of the matter and making links between what it is we are wanting and how it is we are approaching the subject matter.

Releasing our nature, allowing organic growth to occur through self-care and relationship, expressing our potential amidst real pressure, real challenge is for me the edge of the human condition. Making meaning out of existential realities and crafting decisions out of abstract imaginings is creation itself. I love and my passion lies with the continual engagement with this process, what it asks of me and what I bring to it.

Self leadership is that edge, that willingness to sit with, reflect on, decide and move towards the unknown, the uncreated, the next sphere, the compelling vision.

Dan

We Have Contact!

Making contact with ourselves, others and things is in essence what we do all the time. In Gestalt theory the self is really inseparable from the environment. One really cannot "be" without the other, they are co-defined. In this light self leadership embarks on an interesting turn? "I" am really a relationship, not an entity outside of the outside!

Below is a crucial model from Gestalt thinking The Cycle of Contact/Experience and whilst there are a few versions of this model they all depict a flow from sensation to awareness to mobilising energy and excitement to action to contact to satisfaction and then withdrawal. There is the fantastic term "the fertile void" the space we return to (sleep for example) where we rest, and wait for the next emergent figure of interest, the next sensation to name and label and notice.

Blocks or interruptions in the cycle can be noticed where for example we always act yet are never satisfied, it's never enough! We may be brimming with feeling and energy yet we can't "assert" ourselves in the environment to make meaningful contact.

It's a great tool to have in mind when I listen to people and clients talk about their situation and unpack their experience, very often the next stage of the healthy cycle needs ushering in....."have you noticed how well you did that?" a polite nudge towards allowing self-satifying celebration of effort!

The cycle can depict life time cycles and also micro-cycles that happen within other cycles. I just finished my lunch and feel satiated and rested whilst my mind set to work on designing this blog!

So enjoy perusing this model I think it's one you can't go far wrong with.




What do you feel like doing? What's the sensation? Can you recognise it? What does your body want to do? What action does the energy inspire? What will be the result of acting on this? When you get into bed at the end of the day will you look back with satisfaction on "finished business?"

Dan

Unique Personal Process

When I work with a client we spend a good amount of time really looking at how they view the world, their business and their relationships. We move from detailing the facts, the information, to feeling and how their emotions are involved. What all of this then means tops the process and allows for a thorough investigation of any situation.

In and amongst the findings there are often a lot of hopes and expectations that are unstated, not considered or plain hidden. These can act as little sub routines that affect our mood, connections and performance. Once a person has spotted or uncovered what they habitually tend to do in certain situations and how that behaviour ellicits certain responses they can start in awareness to respond and approach situations accordingly and appropriately.

This is a sort of curation, a process of digging out deeply held beliefs and drivers and checking if in principle they are serving us and others in the context of our lives.

Dan

Cat like

Ok, I need to move today, I need to get physical, do something that fits the bill, hits the spot, scratches the itch. I feel like I need to get lighter, fresher, looser and energised. I want to create some openess in my back, some solidity in my legs and really get my breathing deep and full.

On days like these I usually do my chi kung. I practise a five animal spontaneous chi kung that is a free form healing chi kung. I've practised this for fifteen years now and it has been an injunction that never fails to balance me out, preserve my health and leave me more creative.

Finding an activity to work at the physical subtle level of our body is foundational to my self leadership coaching approach, it's here that we experience stillness, movement, energy and play. So often these elements are lost in the seriousness of the "burden" that can so easily become a reality.

So, like a cat waking up and finding exactly the right balancing moves, what will you do today that enlivens, envigorates and encourages your spark, your life-force?

Dan

Sitting

When sitting, sit. A Zen dude said that. So let's try it. Just sit. Be, sitting. Don't add, don't comment, don't analyse. Sit. Three little letters. Something happens when we sit. We notice we can't stop sounds, thoughts, breathing, cars, wind, gurgles, fidgets, panic. What a cacophony!

Sit for a little longer. Allow. Open. Feel the impulse to stand, think, speak, comment. Sit some more. Sink into simple sitting. Doesn't mean anything. Doesn't do anything. Doesn't add anything. Just sit. See how everything happens within your sitting, even you.

Dan

Beautiful Mind

When I step back from the story, the chatter and the endless stream of information, images and sounds streaming through my mind I am always taken aback by how incredible this is. Much like an actual river I can dip in and dip out and each position or perspective is fresh, unique and meaningful.

Taking the witness position, or the view that sees without engaging, judging and commenting is a key skill that encourages rest, regeneration and is, I believe, part of the creative process.

So, step back and witness your beautiful mind! What do you see? Is it real? How much of all this actually matters, actually counts and actually needs your attention?

Dan